Guest blogger - what it's like to live with someone with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

Hello all

Those who suffer with CFS/ME know what it's like to live with it, but how does it affect the people we live with? Those who care the most about us?

It's a question that has interested me and so I asked my boyfriend, James, if he would consider being a guest blogger on here and writing from the perspective of living with someone with this chronic illness. We have been together for 2 and a half years and living together for the last 8 months - so not very long in the grand scheme of things. Interestingly, we've not lived together in a period of wellness yet - though I very much hope this will happen in the future.

I have to say I was very moved by what he wrote and I want to share it with you all as maybe you have all had doubts the way that I have.

Catherine asked me to write a blog post about what it's like to live with someone who is suffering from CFS. My first reaction to that is it's probably not as bad as she thinks. Catherine is the type of person who worries about others more than herself, which is a wonderful quality. As such I think sometimes she worries about how her illness is affecting me, that I might be frustrated with her and even think about leaving. But that's not the case at all, I find it easy to be patient with her, much more than I think I would be patient with myself!

Having said that, of course it does affect me. Her illness has limited our opportunities for doing things together, like going out in an evening for a meal or for some drinks. I'd still like to take her out on dates but it's not so easy now. There are things we used to do much more often before she developed the illness that I miss doing now. But despite all that it's ok, because we're still together, and I'm happy to be with her even if it's staying in with some wine and the TV, and to be a shoulder for her to fall asleep on at ten o'clock.

One thing that's difficult sometimes is having to convince Catherine to take a rest, for example to call in sick when she's not feeling so well. She always wants to just get on with things which I really admire (I rarely waste an opportunity to call in sick), and she's determined not to let the illness get the better of her. But I see it from the other side, I don't want her to push herself too far and make things worse.

But perhaps the biggest way it affects me is how upsetting it is to see her be unable to do the things she wants to do, to feel unwell so often and to go for so long without simply having a day where she can say “I feel good today.” That's the hardest thing. She doesn't like to upset me but as I remind her, that's the deal when someone really cares about you!

I desperately want her to get better, for both of our sakes but mostly for hers. It won't happen straight away, but in time with the right approach I know she can get back to how she was before. Catherine has been wonderful in helping me through my own problems and I'm determined to do the same for her.